Before the Bells

"There are days that will be easy, and days that are difficult. And some days that are just plain shit."

I have no one to attribute that statement too, although I am sure my mother has said it sometime in her life.

Needless to say, today was not a good day. Well this evening wasn't. The day was filled with play, and shopping, and a really messy diaper that included an entire wardrobe change, but all was fine.

The evening was not. The German class I am taking is a bit over my head, a "bit" being an understatement as I can only understand about 50% of what goes on, unless it has to do with grammar. To which I have a feeling my German Professor from Whitworth would be very pleased. I may not be able to explain what part of Marl I live in, but I can tell you what tense to use, and what ending that article in would have.

However, no matter how many past tense verbs I remember, I still can barely get by in everyday conversation. If the person talks slow, I get the gist of their meaning and nod rapidly while slowly forming German sentences in my brain. I'm terrified of talking incorrectly and making a fool of myself, although part of me feels I already have.

Move to another country, be young and vibrant, live your life, YOLO, blah blah blah.
Apparently I didn't realize how difficult this would be.

Culture shock has given way to comfort, which is, well, comforting. I am now comfortable with squeegeeing the shower floor when done, eating cold cuts for breakfast, and tripping over cobblestones that very well could be older than my parents' house. I have a German phone number, and have figured out how to buy train tickets. I can tell time in "military time" (and get excited when such times as 22:22 flashes on my iPhone) and can understand what 2 degrees Celsius means in Fahrenheit. And I am comfortable in the house. I can run the dishwasher, work the TV and playstation, and know the day to day schedule.

However, despite that all that, I am improving my British accent from my new Downton Abbey addiction more than actually improving my knowledge to the language of the country I currently live in.

And so I look to the little things. This week I learned the word for goose (die Gans), diaper (die Windel), and finally figured out the translations for "kribbel" and "krabbel"which when put together and sung by Paul the Frog mean something like the tickling feeling bugs feet give you ("kribbel" means "tingle" and "krabbel" is "crawl").

I no longer am sore from riding the bike, am so far not killing the orchids that reside in my room, and haven't forgotten to use the Euro coins as there are 1 Euro, and 2 Euro coins.

And tonight after crying and blowing my nose on my comfortable bed for fifteen minutes, while talking to a dear friend, I stood up. I worked hard to get here. I knew this would be difficult (my knowing showing its signs in my denial before my departure, practicing German when there are Dateline reruns on? Never.) I knew this would be nerve wracking, which is why I packed comfort things, my sisters lotion, my favorite books (narrowed down to three) and my stuffed animals (yes, I am 24 and am accompanied every night by a baby giraffe, fuzzy elephant, and green bear).

I stood up and started dressing for bed, throwing on a favorite Whitworth t-shirt, while envying Dr. Karin Heller (Whitworth Theology Professor) and wondering how on earth she obtained three doctorates in three different languages (I know she's catholic and celibate, but really, who has time for that? Even before youtube there was, I don't know, things to be distracted by), I mean I can't even master two?

I climbed into bed, and started writing this post.
And now I am off to sleep, telling myself that it will be fine. In a few months (or fifty years) I will speak better German, I will look back and remember how far I have come from this short crying jag.

And now I will tell myself to stop talking like the amazing Maggie Smith and get myself to bed.

At least I get to fall asleep to church bells.



Hoch auf des Turmes Glockenstube  
Da wird es von uns zeugen laut.  
Noch dauern wird's in späten Tagen  
Und rühren vieler Menschen Ohr  
Und wird mit dem Betrübten klagen  
Und stimmen zu der Andacht Chor.  
Was unten tief dem Erdensohne  
Das wechselnde Verhängnis bringt,  
Das schlägt an die metallne Krone,  
Die es erbaulich weiterklingt.

In the towers bell floor high up  
Loudly will proclaim of us.  
Endure it will in later days  
And touch many a human ear  
And with the grieving will lament  
And join its voice to the service's choir.  
What down below for Earth's son  
The changing destinies will bring,  
That beats on the metallic crown,  
Which edifyingly passes it on.

Das Leid von der Glocke - The Song of the Bell
Friedrich von Schiller - 1798