Paul the Heathen Frog

 Baby classes are a newer trend in America, where infants and toddlers go to music, gymnastics, or social hour with others their age and work on "development". Baby classes are common in Germany, as most mothers get a year of maternity leave they have the time (and need the socialization of other tired mothers) to sign up their kiddo. Eliano started with three classes, but one has ended (he grew out of it) and now he is just down to two, music and one other, with the possibility of a gymnastics course starting soon.

The psychology student in me finds baby classes as a great idea. The regular person thinks its a bit overrated.

And on Monday I attended my first one.

Musical baby class was held at a protestant church around the corner (ask what type of protestant church it is and you will be met with confusion. In Germany there appears to be protestant, catholic, and that's all). We rushed in a bit late (Eliano hates his winter coat) and after removing winter apparel and shoes, seated ourselves around the circle and said hello to the other babies. The room was a normal protestant church roomed used for non churchy things. Chairs and tables were stacked along one wall, another was full of mirrors. Play wooden kitchen sets sat snug in a dark corner surrounded by blue and red plastic tubs full of mismatched doll clothes and legos.

I was introduced to the babies, first was Dustin, a blond haired blue eyed, skinny fellow with a kerchief tied around his neck to catch drool. Next to him was the clear leader of the group Fredrick, fred-er-eek, ("clear leader" as he was the biggest and could walk the longest without toppling over). Eliano and Lewis rounded out the rest of the young men. Daria and Carlotta both seemed to like Eliano, wheres Charlotte just patted his head. There were other babies, who's names escape me now, most dressed as cute babies and acting like they needed a nap. The class started with our leader, a unmarried middle aged woman who worked for the church, holding up the real teacher, Paul the Frog. Paul the Frog led us in a welcome song, where we danced in a circle, holding the babies who couldn't walk or didn't want to, and then played on the rug. Other songs came after, Paul would dance and the mothers would forcibly try to get their kids to imitate the frog. Lewis was preoccupied with staring at himself in the mirror, Eliano wanted to play with all the shoes, and Daria just cried the whole time.

Then the highlight of the 45 minute class came. Where each baby got his or her turn at playing the bells as Paul the Frog exampled, or really just waving the drum sticks around. Lewis was first for the turn. And he loved it, as babies love to make music. He did not love that Daria and Eliano were loving it as well and wanted their turn immediately. Lewis's mother politely shoved the other kids away, and Carlotta had her turn next. As the bells moved around the circle, each baby followed. When it was Eliano's turn, I had a plan. I seated him between my legs, and circled them around him, to create a barrier. In time to the music I bounced my legs up and down to make the wall even harder for Frederick and his baby muscles to climb. Eliano did wonderfully. He even hit the bells twice and my face only once.

After the last baby had played, Paul the Frog led us in the goodbye song. The babies acted if they had just had to listen to a stuffed frog sing for 45 minutes in a cold protestant church room. Even I needed a nap and a sippy cup full of milk. It was then a mad rush to shoes and scarfs, baby jackets and prams. Despite the money the mothers were putting into this class, I was surprised at how quickly everyone left. Outside there was casual chatter about the next class and if the babies should all enroll in the same gymnastics course. Lewis took off first, riding a trike that was attached to a handle his mom pushed. Everyone was jealous. Eliano stared at the girls and fell asleep on the 8 minute walk back.

This Thursday is another class, the subject of which has yet to be disclosed. Thankfully it is at a catholic church where the room will probably be colder, but there would be wine in the vicinity. And Paul the Frog? Only heathens use that stuff.